Scenes from the past few weeks

I was scrolling through the photos on my phone and realized it had been a while since I shared some. That seems to be a recurring theme. 

Anyway, here are some pics from last week from our family beach trip where we literally stayed in the last house on the island. But that’s another story for another time…

Who Am I?

question-markWay back in January I started sharing my journey of how the Lord has brought tremendous freedom in my life. I had every intention of finishing the three-part “series” by the end of February, but we can all see how that turned out. Some days I just like to bless my own heart.

However, I am back with part two! Perhaps it will be December when the third part is written. Who knows?

When I last left off, I mentioned that the Lord had brought me to the end of myself. Looking back, I now see where so much of my life was marked by fear. Fear that I wasn’t good enough, fear that God would be disappointed with me if I made a mistake or didn’t do the right thing or say the right words. And this fear was what propelled me forward. It was the motivation for all of my striving. And gosh, I was so good at striving, striving, striving. Striving to earn what I had already been given in Jesus.

It was during this time that God began to expose the ugly lies that I had believed and start to rearrange and change the entire motivation of my heart. I began to see God in the reality of who he is as a loving father that has provided all I will ever need in the death, burial, and resurrection of His son, Jesus. I began to relate to Him as a God that was for me, and not against me.

As a result of learning to view God as He truly is, I began to see myself more clearly as who I am in Him. Words that had once been used to condemn me were being replaced with the words of my Father as He showed me who I am.

I am:

  • God’s daughter
  • Completely, perfectly loved
  • Completely forgiven
  • Fearfully and wonderfully made
  • Made with and for a purpose
  • Made righteous through Jesus
  • Made holy and blameless through Jesus

And the list could go on…but hopefully you get the point. I have been given all of that in Jesus and that is my identity. But God wasn’t done (not that I’ve reached some pinnacle of spiritual enlightenment as I believe I’ll never fully “arrive” until I reach heaven). Once He established who He is and then who I am, He had to start shifting and rearranging the motivation of how I lived my life. In other words, the fear had to go…

But that part will have to wait for next time.

 

When God Gives Himself

heart

Growing up, I had my life figured out. I would marry at 22 and have 3-4 kids with the husband of my dreams. In my mind, my plan was foolproof. But suddenly I turned 23 (and then 24, 25, 26, 27, 28 and 29) and I didn’t have a husband or kids. In fact, my life looked nothing like I had planned.

Did I miss something? Why haven’t my plans come into being? Is there something terribly wrong with me that I’m not aware of?

I had been praying, hoping, believing…all to (seemingly) no avail. Was God even hearing me, or had I reached the point of no return?

Turns out that yes, God was hearing me. I just wasn’t hearing Him. Funny how that works, huh?

All I could see was my apparent lack-what he wasn’t doing. And because I was so fixated on my perceived lack I couldn’t see what he had given me.

Himself.

On days I beg him for answers-He gives me Himself.

On days I feel alone and unseen-He gives me Himself.

On days where I wonder if my situation will change-He gives me Himself.

Because, when it’s all said and done, married or single, joy or sorrow, triumph or failure, Christ is all I have. The status of my current situation will never change that.

Do I still desire marriage and children? Yes, I do. Is it something that I must have to be fulfilled and happy? No, it’s not. Christ has already done that for me.

Are there days that I struggle? Yes. Absolutely. But I have found Him to be faithful and it is from His fullness that I have received grace upon grace.

God cannot give us peace and happiness apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.” – C.S. Lewis